SAMBUT - Fimie Don & Faizal Tahir

https://youtu.be/HAGUjI4108E

Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan (hey)

Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan
Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan
Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan

Senyap, tolong senyap sebentar
Nikmati sunyi ini sebelum dunia bergegar
Aku masih gentar
Risau doa dipagar
Tulisan makin pudar
Aku separa sedar
Ya, aku sedar

Bila disua ku sambut
Sambut kerna takut
Takut nanti nyawa aku dicabut
Ramai yang perlu wang tapi tak ada peluang
Jika diberikan ruang ku sahut

Mengapa masih ada persoalkan kerja tuhan
Setuju jabat tangan, ini zaman kejatuhan
Mengapa aku masih ada dengarkan keluhan
Setuju lintas jambatan, aku nak kejar tuhan

Selagi badan ada kudrat
Aku takkan pernah rehat
Aku tak kenal erti penat
Engkau pembakar semangat hingga ke garisan penamat
Usaha mencari rezeki untuk terus ku berjalan
Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan

Kalau ini hari bukan hari aku
Esok kan pasti ada aku menunggu
Yeah, pasti ada hari kamu
Ada hari dia juga dan aku, hari aku

Segenggam beras macam sejongkong emas
Wajah puas kamu umpamakan barang kemas
Atas kertas angka hasil mereka kerja keras
Galas cergas tolak malas gagal tetap puas

Ni, gelanggang dunia tempat ku bertarung
Etika hilang anak muda kau tak hormat panggung
Ramai yang jalan mendongak dan harap disanjung
Garisan penamat makin hampir, kau jangan termenung

Aman nak sihat, aman tak cukup sifat
Ramalan tak buatkan aku makin kuat
Aman nasihat, amanah genggam erat
Ekspresi hak perasaan jangan pernah kau daulat, yeah

Terima kasih harap kasih diterima
Aku selesai segala selagi jasad ada nyawa
Selagi jasad ada nyawa harap kasih diperguna
Aku sambut jika disua (jika kau sua)

Selagi badan ada kudrat
Aku takkan pernah rehat
Aku tak kenal erti penat
Engkau pembakar semangat hingga ke garisan penamat
(Nak usaha) Usaha mencari rezeki untuk terus ku berjalan
Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan

Kalau ini hari bukan hari aku (haha)
Esok kan pasti ada aku menunggu (pasti)
Yeah, pasti ada hari kamu
Ada hari dia juga dan aku (aku), hari aku

Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan (hey)
Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan
Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan (yup, sambut)
Sampai aku mati buat untuk tuhan

Eternal

 Salam

Hows everyone?

Look like adulting kind of busy eh?

Senyap sunyi je blog pun hahaha. Lama dah tak update. Tapi mayb jugak sbb factor tu.

Been wanting/missing to blog, tapi selalu rasa macam tak semangat nak tulis macam dulu.

Eh kamon la, apa bunyi macam tua sangat dah ni haaaa? Gaya cakap dah macam mak-mak yang busy urus anak sekolah je ahahah. Tolong la, baru kahwin je kot, jauh lagi untuk rasa tua gitu hahahaha

(Tetiba teringat realiti………… in a few years akan masuk geng 30s)

*gulp*

Anyway, hoping everyone, my friends, families, especially yang dah lama tak jumpa tu, semoga dalam keadaan yang baik-baik je. Sihat, bahagia, tenang. Itu yang paling penting sekarang ni. Not your achievements in comparison to others. Semoga kita saling mendoakan (walaupun aku lah yang selalu lupa tau nak doakan orang aduhai haha)

Hoping that dring these times, kita semua dapt belajar mendewasa dengan baik, bertumbuh dengan baik. Dapat belajar manage emosi, diri, kewangan, hidup dengan baik. Dapat jaga diri sendiri dengan baik, that;s good enough for the time being insyaAllah (sbb mesti lah kena makin better by time kan hehe). Since sekarang ni zaman where its medsos here and there, kerja-kerja kerja. Semoga setiap apa yang kita buat tu, bererti dan memberi erti kepada kita.

Coz,

In the end,

this is life has and end

And then only,

will we only enter the final destination

And I hope

I really hope

I will be accepted into that paradise

And will be rejoining with you guys again :)

How I miss those kind of gatherings

Seeing those familiar faces and smiles

Seperated for now,

To make efforts

For that worth it gathering

Ayuhlah berusaha

Wahai jiwa yang malas (talking to me not you hehe)

See you guys in the eternals insyaAllah :D

Oh and i left a song lyric, tributed to you guys in the next post :)

Boring

 20230621 0917pm, atas katil, home :)

Harini terasa kebosanan

Bila nak rehat dari buat kerja rumah sikit n dalam masa yang sama taknak buang masa

Kebetulan pulak tengah 10 hari terbaik di dunia! (10 Awal Zulhijjah)

So hmm lepas mesej sana-sini apa yg patut kat WhatsApp, main socmed sambil tunggu suami balik. Nasi dah masak, ayam tengah masak dalam oven

Habis buat kerja dalam 2 jam, taknak sambung walaupun ada momentum sebab suami dah balik & taknak nanti diri sendiri overwork & stress (selalu terlebih rajin bila ada semangat sampai rasa macam lightheaded etc gitu)

Lepastu sebelum mengaji mengadu kat husband, kebosanan. dan dalam kebosanan tu tetap tak tau apa yang saya nak buat

Bila suami cadang baca buku etc, tak terasa nak buat semua tu

Yelah, mungkin sebab dah seharian buat kerja sendiri. Got no one to talk to. Plus I'm not good at talking to myself i guess & talking to plants (teringat Afa)

So lepastu sambung ajar budak mengaji. Habis mengaji terfikir, maybe actually I needed to work with the society more, in order to get my social capacity fulfilled & at the same time giving back to the society, which is something that is quite fun & not time wasting for me :D

Feeling delighted.

Then, maybe itulah hikmahnya Allah jadikan kita manusia ni makhluk yang ada aspek sosial, perlu bersembang, tak cukup duduk sorang-sorang je dalam rumah fikir hal rumah sendiri huhu

Yelah, kita ni pun kalau sembang dengan suami, suami dah habis kuota, kita banyak lagi ayyy

Kan ke tak seimbang tu

Jadi ada baiknya i fikir² benda macamtu kan?

Samada i give back to the society, or I learn something from them (learning new skills etc)

That's an interesting outcome of today's boredom!

Well doneeeee 👍

Walaupun asyik cakap bosan despite buat banyak benda harini, rasa kelakar pulak hahaha

Btw, bosan pun ada sebabnya.

Thanks for coming, boredom ;)

3 years of gratitude

 Salam,

writing this here today, as a remembrance and memory of how things have been going in my life these months..

okay maybe we can rewind back to when I was in the exam hall of my last paper for my degree. That day, it was Dec 2019 and I've finally-unofficially-graduated from the university and finally free. That last semester makes up all my degree journey into a total of years (many of my friends graduated one semester earlier -which i could do the same but i'm chosen and i chose to cewahh)

okay, then 2020 begins and started to be a full-time babysitter for my niece and nephew, since i'm the only who's free and available at that time. and then... march came and the lockdown began. so as i remembered, it was quite fun and boring.. especially when it has been too long to the point that i actually convinced my mom that i need to have an artificial grass-carpet to put it either on our balcony or the front yard. and that is for the sake of my mental well-being hahaha. but the boringness is so unbearable that i feel like running on a field of grass, going to the rives and forest and so on.

but there's these few things that happened to me around 2020;

1. first time baking (it's a chocolate moist cake bake using periuk nasiiiiiiiiiiii wahahaha) & bake a few times (basque burned cheesecake) (selain kek batik). i don't remember if i've baked anythings else than those two, except that i've been wanting to bake the brownies but haven't done it yet hehe

2. get to discover some health problems & start to treat them

3. started to play in taman baru & depan rumah

4. emotionally unstable phase

whilst  2021;

1. get to discover another health problem.

2. therefore, i've been going back and forth to the hospitals for appointments & even got the chance to meet an expert. under treatment

3. oh and gigi bongsu actually started to 'tunjuk taring' to the point that i feel like having this shark's teeth in my mouth and that hurts. and eventually getting them unplugged hehe

4. learn about me - related to the appointments

5. getting one my biggest health problem treated & still under treatment

6. many friends started kahwin, kahwin n kahwin

7. learning about emotions - since i'm an emotional person. this is a new experience -feeling numb when i thought like "should'nt I feel mad/sad etc?"

8. actually get to do taaruf and get married OMG. kahwin PKP pulak tuu

9. get a chance to level-up

10. 

and that's what i remember..

yeah, my 2020 is a year of confusion,

2021 is a year of healing

2022 is growth, i guess? and i hope so

actually i just remembered that during the 2nd half of 2019, i actually wanted to get myself a caving time (that's how frust i am with myself? because i'm stressed over how do i improve myself).

and during that period of time is also the moment when i realized that something's wrong with this particular circle's work enviroment (in which i'm involved in). and that's when the strong emotions turn into an idea that both me and my usrahmate (esp this one akak) fight for. and i did'nt know that passion can go that far OMG. like, there's just these 4 people fuelling the circle. that's totally a new experience, alhamdulillah :)

okay, back to 2021.

that healing period made me realize that, calmness is part of what makes you to have the ability to function better.

i've heard this one sister who shares how she overcomes her anxiety (if i'm not mistaken) by waking up in the middle of the night for tahajjud and that heals her, alhamdulillah.

this sharing then clicks with my feeling of calmness and peace that i've been feeling after undergoing treatments for myself. okay, it's actually numbness of emotions, but somehow when you can't feel sad etc, you sort of like, feel calm, you know?

so i guess the key is to have inner peace which can be acquired though different ways - since as a human, we have 4 domain (physical body, psychosocial, spiritual and cognitive mind)

but anyway i can't speak much about it since i'm not an expert in the field. but anyway, i found this one book written by prof Hatta Shaharom, on 7-day Stress Relief Plan which is interesting (it cover all 4 domains and about stress), but i have'nt finish reading it yet. maybe i shall share it somewhere when i'm done and ready :)

and this year of 2022, i...

1. got to travel using different kind of transportations which is exciting to me since i like adventureee (flight, ferry, kereta sewa, bus, ets, lrt, ktm, grab, kereta orang bagi pinjam) and go here n there with husband

2. got to experience kereta rosak, kereta masuk kedai etc

3. experience jadi cikgu sekolah rendah for 3-4 months and experiencing the pain of RPH hahahaha

4. learn to control the way i think and how i see/face problems. started gratitude journaling this few days alhamdulillah

5. get to organize my own house, learn kitchen hacks, started to be like hantu eco hahaha (okay please pray i don't become like that okay.. just want to be minimalist hehe insyaAllah)

6. started ajar mengaji, iqra and hafazan in short period of time and it is online!!!!!! (which is kind of perfect job for me alhamdulillah)

7. got a new 24/7 friend and husband alhamdulillah. there's a lot to be thankful and grateful for him, tapi takpe kita taknak sweet mweet di sini yaa

8. belajar hadap masalah2 kehidupan hehehe

and that's what i can think of since my memories macam tak berapa nak ingat hehe.

and as I said earlier... this post is like a gratitude journal for me.

but maybe not for you, who's reading this...

because gratitude happens when we look into ourselves and be happy and grateful for what we have/had/insyaAllah will have.

so this is an exercise for me to remember all those things happened in my life this past 3 years. and may this writing exercise makes me forever grateful to you o Allah, and towards everyone in my life too  :)

Entering 26th and still learning..

it feels almost like a trap

that I need to learn on how to make my way out of it

there is a way,

or ways 

it's just that,

you need to stop using the same method again and again

there's this quote that says

Albert Einstein : “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

it's time for you to learn this one dear self

---------------------------------------------

turning 26th this Wednesday

and got many things to learn

Perasaan

I do sometimes wonder,

if I'll be able to remember much of these days,

since i'm kind of emotionless,

and not like how I used to be

tapi kan,

mesti ada sebab Allah letak aku dalam situasi ni,

fasa perasaan tak terlalu kuat

tapi entah untuk apa,

aku sendiri tak tahu untuk apa

but somehow, I kind of can feel this song though;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA9raOpgtTE

and that's why i started writing this post haha

cause this is some of the few occasions where somehow, my bag of emotion kinda spilled a little bit i guess

there's the other few where I suddenly cried haha,

one of it was after having a video call with my sibs, niece and nephew

that is when I realized,

oh I actually kind of miss them

which I thought, I haven't

but maybe it's just that my bottle was wrapped up so tightly that I can't feel big emotions

there's even a phase where my sisters said that my laugh sounds fake everytime I laugh, although I do mean that laugh

seems like it even takes away the sound of sincerity in my laugh hahaha

......................................................

despite it all,

I do want to feel my emotions

entah la,

mungkin selama ni aku tak bersyukur dengan perasan-perasan yang Allah hadirkan dalam diri aku?

but, I'm missing them already

I miss crying while watching or listening to touching stories

miss that joy of seeing foods brought home by my parents or siblings

that feeling of sadness when I'm going to depart away from the people I cherish

feeling moved by the gestures of kindness when someone cares for you

having a good cry every month for sometimes even no reason to cry at all 

somehow,

i'm still grateful for everyone around me, those who stays with me, be it physically or not

who're always kind to me :')

perhaps,

I've been too emotional that it affects what I should be doing? is it?

should I be that way? Is that part of adulting?

idk

somehow,

my emotions kind of spilled a few times this past months

is it good or bad sign?

i have no idea

but I always believe,

everything that befalls a believer is all good,

as long as he/she believes

and I hope it will always stay that way :')

don't leave in my own hands o Allah...

i'm back and it's 2022 already wow

 Salam,

it's 2022 already. and i'm turning 26th this year. WOW

that number looks so into adult phase thingy. orang dewasa, besar hahaha

entah berapa kali word besar ni saya asyik ulang taip dalam blog ni, semenjak form 5, i guess?

haha. tapi, sejauh mana awak dah membesar dalam aspek-aspek lain selain fizikal tu awak? hmm good question

anyway, banyak benda berlaku in these recent years

especially tahun lepas, 2021

aah sebenarnya not in the mood untuk menulis sangat pun.

entahlah, few months back ni dah tak rasa nak menulis sangat. macam, mood tu hilang. even kadang ada je idea nak tulis, tapi tak tertulis jugak.

tadabbur pun, aahhh. lamanya tak buat reflect hmm.

btw, ni pun push jugak diri menulis sebab i think it's time for me to start walking again. hmm berjalan walaupun tak ada rasa nak jalan. trying to build momentum slowly, i guess

teringat mertua cakap, nak tulis ni, kena konsisten, tulis je walaupun tak ada idea.

eh tetiba ana mertua pulak kan hahahaha. so panjang ceritanya. ha tulah, kalau diikutkan, boleh je buat few posts. tapi mungkin keadaan sekarang ni buat semangat saya biasa-biasa aja haha.

because I used to be someone yang semangat bercerita, since my memories quite strong jugak and yeah I'm an emotional person. and emotions are what makes things go into long-term memory, isn't it? that's what I can recall from Intro to Psychology class that i took waktu kat uni dulu.

tapi entahlah, kalau orang baca cara saya tulis ni, mungkin orang akan fikir saya dalam keadaan yang tak okay, walaupun saya okay je sebenarnya. hmmmm susah nak cakap, it's complicated.

senang cerita, saya okay je despite what I writes here hahaha. nak tau lebih kenapa cerita tepi lolol.

fuhh ni baru intro, tak masuk lagi nak cerita apa (idk if I even write that much hmm)

hmmm i guess I'll stop here. esok lusa ke kita cuba lagi eh insyaAllah haha.

pancit dah haha

Emotional

Suddenly I remembered like, how I used to feel those emotions, intensely

These few months back,

I barely experienced those kind of emotions anymore

Yes, cause i'm on something else

But it's a gift though

Being able to feel is a beautiful gift

Because with it, we can have that empathy towards other

We can care for each other

We can be more kind, more gentle

Less harsh etc etc

It is what makes us human

Robots got no feeling

Thus, making them like super duper efficient thingy,

Yet they lack one most precious, valuable thing for us human

And that is, a heart that can feel

But why do we, humans have to feel and go through all of these storms of emotions?

Take a moment and ponder

There must be reasons/reason why

There must be

And may that intense emotion that you are feeling, makes you closer

Closer

And

Closer

To the One who creates it ♡

another suprise

 this time around

i guess it right

tak tahu kenapa bila baca hint tu je terus rasa macam

it's that one

patutlah selalu rasa nak tunda-tunda plan tu

so that's it

baru je cakap pasal word 'musibah' semalam

harini kena kat diri sendiri

semoga dapat redha

kata nak jadi "راضية مرضية" kan?

ingat, nilai awak tak ditentukan oleh sesiapa,

tapi nilai diri awak sendiri

that's not a goal

it's an instrument

kena selalu ingat tu

and it's not about who and when

but why and how

kena betulkan niat selalu

semoga Allah redha

terima kasih Allah :')

Sprout

 "i wanted to"

"why?"

"because I want to grow"

"do you think you are fit enough?"

"I can't wait forever right?"

"I mean, I've had enough of that 'caving' moment and I've told myself that after that period of time, I should be thinking on moving forward"

"yes, I told myself that"

silence.

sigh.

"what matters most is that, he's willing to embrace my flaws and be my support through my recovering journey. that's all"

"whoever that person might be"

"aaaah... just the thought of it make me wanna cry"

"thought of what?"

"solemnization..."

"why?"

"cause it marks that a man is willing to care for her, for as long as he could"

"in the end, what I wanted the most is for someone to accept me, just the way I am"

"someone who is willing to go through thick and thin together"

"who will cherish me for who i am"

"somehow, that sound selfish"

"i know"

sigh

"you're good thou"

"but i am more concerned about him accepting my flaws, rather than that 'perfect' picture of me"

"and willingness to help me grow"

"I think a year is quite enough for me"

"honestly I'm quite scared, but..."

"i just want it to be a flawsome journey ahead."

"i just want to grow"

pray for me

Hard Times/Ujian

 hard times are part of growth

it forces us to grow

grow up

and out

of our comfort zones

comfort zone is not synonym with growth and progress

cause you'll always get pampered

nothing to worry about

there's always backups for you

enough supplies for your demands

and a perfect place to run away from growth process

but then,

how long are you willing to run?

will that change the fact that things are coming your way?

a hero in a movie will never be called one if he does not face the storm coming his way

and if the storm is not there, if it was all rainbows and sunshines,

he will never get that chance to be called a hero anyway

that title would not even exist. ever

hey, there's reasons for what's happening to you

what are you without those calamities that strike you?

those things doesn't define you,

not at all

unless if you let it to

it is meant to be there,

so that when you overcome it,

your rank are elevated

and you can come back stronger that ever

have you ever heard that,

the word "musibah" in arabic somehow brings the meaning "to hit the target"?

meaning that, musibah is something that is predestined for you

and that it is never a coincident, or hit you by mistake

but it hits the right person

and for reasons

and remember this ayat?

لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّـهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَعَلَيْهَا مَا اكْتَسَبَتْ

"Allah tidak memberati seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya. Ia mendapat pahala kebaikan yang diusahakannya, dan ia juga menanggung dosa kejahatan yang diusahakannya."

[al-Baqarah : 286]

it means, we are somehow capable of bearing those hard times

it's just that, we don't realize it

and it's how He tells us that,

it's time to level up

and you are capable of overcoming those things

and remember that,

if you need strength

go to the source of all strength

Allah

Thoughts

 sometimes,

when I'm not in a good mood,

I write

but that is not the usual case

usually I'll start to write when the feeling is intense

and there's this thoughts that's lingering in my head

like, written thoughts

maybe that's how I talk to myself

inner monologue

I rarely have this in-mind dialogue

and everytime (almost, i think), I'll write it out

so maybe, most of my thoughts are not well-organized thoughts that I can speak out

that's why, I rarely speak or write about it

yeah, maybe that's why...

still learning to get my thoughts organized...

I guess, 2020 is kind of the year of confusion for me

year of figuring things out hmmmm

I hope so

24th & PKPP

at this age,

I feels clueless
of what I should be

what should I do





maybe because everything happens at the same time,
coincidentally......






nah, nothing is coincident in this world


everything are placed perfectly,
only then, that pieces will resembles a complete puzzle
then it'll make sense to us



---------------------------------------

graduated,
the pandemic,
me feeling lost over what to do next,
post working-from-home phase etc

watching my friends' life update (married, work, study etc)

and all those influences I got from watching "how girls should be" in the social media thing,
i mean how girls should be working, women empowerment bla bla bla


all of these makes me think a lot these days,
but actually I'm confused of what I've been thinking



maybe because I think about many different things,
and I don't see where it connects
haha



maybe it connects at this point,
I'm actually lost about myself,

like, which path do I take now?
should I further study?
should I think about marriage?
should I work?
should I earn some money?

or should I just focus on serving/helping my family instead?


I just don't know,
because every path seems to be obscure
while time is precious
hello I'm 24 already
another one year and I'll reach suku abad already


yeah it's not really about the numbers right,
but 20's age is the golden age
and I shouldn't be wasting it



and, I'm not that good at balancing between responsibilities
so I don't really think that it's a good idea for me to do many at once
hmmmmmmmmmmm






maybe that's just the beauty of it,
like an abstract artwork,
vague, yet beautiful
waiting to be explored

pray for me please :')

Ramadhani?

Hidup adalah perjalanan yang bermula dari Tuhan, menuju Tuhan

Life is a journey; from Allah, to Allah

and in this journey towards God,

there will be maaaaaaany obstacles that may lead us astray from the right path

what are the obstacles?

right, syaitan and our own nafs

so, in order for us to be able to go through those obstacles safely, what do we need?

we need something that we can use to protect us, right?

and that's what we call, shield

---------

let us pause for a moment and ponder upon this Quranic verse;

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الصِّيَامُ كَمَا كُتِبَ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ ﴿١٨٣﴾

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Kamu diwajibkan berpuasa sebagaimana diwajibkan atas orang-orang yang dahulu daripada kamu, supaya kamu bertaqwa."

[Al-Baqarah : 183]

fasting is made obligatory = so that/hopefully you get Taqwa

do you know that Taqwa comes from the word, وقاية

which means, prevention, or shield?

--------------------------

okay, so back to our discussion,

in our journey to God,

we needed shield to protect us against all those obstacles that may lead us astray, right?

the syaitan and nafs

and in the previous Quranic verse, Allah mentioned that fasting is made obligatory upon us, so that we may gain Taqwa (shield)

so, there you go!

that's where we can get that protection from!

fasting is the tool for us to gain that shield

okay, hold on,

Taqwa is a shield,

but what does Taqwa really mean?

okay for that one, I would really suggest that you watch this video to understand what is Taqwa and how does fasting & Ramadhan enable us attain it?

https://youtu.be/xY8UC0OiYuw

-----------------------------

after you watch that video and understand about the importance of Taqwa,

you might want to plan on how to achieve Taqwa right?

I mean in practical ways

If so, let's determine what makes a person considered successful or the other way around.

Do you realize that when we picture/describe someone who is successful or not, we'll be describing his/her habits?

because you are determined by what you repeatedly do,

for instance, when a person is described as a very patient person, he must be someone who repeatedly/always has the tolerance of provocation without responding in annoyance/anger, right?

and the things that you repeatedly do, is called habit

and habit is what builds the character of a person

so, that's what you need to work on!

habits

but, then, I would suggest you to watch this video to understand how habit works

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPn3UOt1lxw

-----------------------------

So, in order for us to attain Taqwa, this Ramadhan, I would suggest that we do this 3 things ;

1- make sure you have & follow your daily time table (just do a rough one, schedule activities in between prayer times)

2- commit on building 1 good crucial habit that is needed for you to attain Taqwa

3- commit on undo-ing 1 bad habit that will ruin your plan to achieve Taqwa

Side note :

• habit is build by doing the same thing, everyday for a period of time without breaking the chain (some said that the minimum period for a habit to be established is 21 day = 3 weeks, some said that its' 30 days)
• always consider our own stamina while building/undo-ing any habit. If you have never done it before/or for a long time, please please, start small & realistic. How can you sprint if you don't have the stamina?
• focus on 1 habit or more for each task of building and undo-ing habit. you can add 1 or 2 habit, if you ayou already have the stamina, depends on your capability.

REMEMBER, we want this shield to last until after Ramadhan, so plan accordingly, okay?

Do not rush by doing like 10 habits etc

Exploring

Salam

lately ni I've been thinking about sharing my ideas publicly, atau dalam bahasa lain, lebih meluas capaiannya (publicly tu hmmm not really sure)

because, I think I've got many things to share, tp since mcm segan nak share mcm one to one, unless it's usrah (that's why I like to bawak usrah, because I can share my ideas and thoughts there, without feeling awkward hahaha), why not make it somewhere public

hmmmm, again. when I said public. I'm not quite sure how public is it that I want it to be. setakat yg terfikir, nak share kat whatsApp story, IG TV etc. sebab lebih secure since I know those who can view it are all my friends or at least people that I know, haha. terutamanya IG TV la, sbb dia mcm TV kan, siapa nak tengok, silakan, dan boleh revisit balik kalau nak tengok sbb tersimpan kat situ kan

kalau WhatsApp story, I've already hide my story from all boys contacts, as far as I know harapnya takdelah yg terlepas lagi 😬

and actually mcm kalau nak mudah, I'm planning to just record a simple video of me just talking, without the need to edit anything hmmm, kalau rajin nak edit pun, maybe just subtitles and watermark, and maybe thumbnail? ceh rajinnya hahaha

tapi kalau nak share dalam whatsApp story, segan sikit laa haha sbb dia tak jadi konsep macam TV lah kalau nak tengok boleh, taknak pun takpe 🤔

unless, if I turn in into an animation/illustrational video lah, I can be the voice and the rest tu, maybe boleh minta tolong adik atau sesiapa buat. because............. i might take time to finish things since I'm a bit, perfectionist, maybe? sebenarnya suka je nak explore benda² pasal design ni, tapi tulah, takut akhirnya terbazirkan masa kat situ hahaha

bila tah nak face that kind of problem and settlekan 🤔

btw what I share, it can be, kind of TED Talk atau ala² Aida Azlin punya video? because it can be both reflections and ideas worth sharing hahahaha. 100rius lah tapi

btw hrtu ana dengar balik video Aida Azlin about doing stuffs, tak ingat tajuk dia apa, tapi pointnya adalah, if you want to do something just do it tak perlu tunggu perfect baru nak start. contoh, rasa nak create video? buat je dulu, tak perlu perfectly edited atau tunggu cukup peralatan utk buat video. and...... it doesn't have tu be posted online pun kalau taknak lagi. sbb kadang² that kind of thought, about needing to be perfect and thinking about other's perception yg buat langkah kita terhenti. untuk even, start the first step. like, hello you haven't even started tapi dah takut hahahahaha

but honestly, that's me. and I've just realized that, when she said it that way, and when my siblings and friends said about it to me. tanpa disedari, I've always been wanting to do things perfectly to the point that sometimes it takes too much time that's unnecessary pun, dan kadang² sampai takut nak start buat apa². sebab tanpa disedari, I am, afraid of failure.

and that's a mindset that I've been in, for such a long time, rupa-rupanya.

ooh, and then there's this saying of Nouman Ali Khan (NAK) in one of his video, he said that we will only know ourselves when we put ourselves to work, that's when we know our strengths, weaknesses and so on. dan memang betul pun apa yang dia cakap, because I've experienced what he said. I never knew that I'm a systematic and good at management person, until I work with people etc. dan terutamanya bila muhasabah ke apa orang komen pasal kita, benda yang kita tak pernah sedar. so benda tu sangat membuka mata lah sebenarnya. dia macam moment of realisation yang "oooh aku pandai menyanyi rupanya!" haaa lebih kurang gitulah

dan bila masuk uni dan terlibat dengan society etc, diberi tanggungjawab, bukan sekadar ahli biasa yang just jadi peserta program, barulah saya sedar pasal kebolehan dan potensi saya. dia lain tau bila kita jadi ahli biasa dan kita cuba untuk pegang jawatan, sbb ada tanggungjawab yang kena galas kat situ. like you have to think about the people, the resources and so on, mana sama dengan fikir pasal diri sendiri, gitulah analoginya.

oh dan saya masih ingat lagi antara perubahan lain yg saya dapat waktu zamsn sekolah dengan zaman uni, adalah komen orang pasal saya. kalau zaman sekolah, semua kalau ada 100 komen, semuanya akan cakap benda yg lebih kurang sama, pemalu, pendiam, sopan. tak pun, comel 😜😂😂😂😂😂 (eh tapi ini fakta okie? kbye hahahaha)

bila zaman uni pulak, jarang sangat dapat komen macamtu, dan komen² dia lebih diverse dan lebih rare. contoh, sistematik, detail...... okay tak ingat dah sebab diverse sangat bakat saya ni lol 😂. tapi an, satu benda yang pelik adalah, bila zaman uni yang orang ada komen muka garang 🤔. padahal rasanya dari zaman sekolah lagi muka dah garang hahahahaha, tapi mungkin sebab mmg cheerful je kot bila jumpa orang, so jarang lah diorang nampak muka garang tu

kalau zaman uni, sebab ada meeting etc, so peluang nak tengok muka garang lebih banyak, mungkin? hahahahaha sebab muka berfikir saya memang macamtulah, cannot help haha. unless, tengah meeting/usrah online fasa PKP ni. sebab sambil online, tengok muka sendiri 😂😂😂😂😂. so holeh lah latih muka utk senyum sikit hahaha.

okay sebenarnya, muka akan nampak garang kalau tengah berfikir, pening kepala, penat, tak sihat, atau...... salah angle 😂

takpelah, malas nak fikir, dah muka unik nak buat macamana, kalau tengah buat muka biasa pun nampak garang, sedangkan tengah expressionless tu haha. jadi kita kena bersyukur dengan ciptaan Allah ini hehe ❤️

anyways, I'll learn to be more open insyaAllah, learn to make failure, as my friend? eheh?

yang penting, belajar untuk cuba benda baru, insyaAllah. are you okie, dear self? hahahaha

1 out of 366

quick p/s : this post is actually written on 1st of January, 2020. but I just posted it here, since I posted it on the wrong place, which I thought that it's this blog. anyways....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



me entering 2020,

entering 24th year,

yet still uncertain about who i am

i remember people saying that, teenage years are that period of life where people are searching for oneself

i don't think i feel that way when i'm in my teenage years

coz i just, flow with the flow, i guess

the problem is,

i'm turning 24 this year,

yet i'm still puzzled about myself

or.. maybe

its just that i'm uncertain about who i am meant to be

to be honest,

i do feel afraid of my future,

like, who i am meant to be,

because... all of these circumstances...

i'm more than this

like i am meant for something big

and look, all this circumstances is pushing me towards it

even though i've failed so many times

and felt like giving up for sooo sooooooooooooo many times

but.....

i just

i don't know why

i couldn't give up

couldn't stop myself from keep on moving

or is it,

because of my writing remedy?

when i'm stressed,

i always ended up writing

and when i write, i think and contemplate

contemplating of reasons why i should not stop?

why should i care to continue?

and things seems smooth and easy for me since ever

maybe that's why i feel like, hey why should i stop?

as if the path is written for me

who am i?

tentang Usaha dan Kebergantungan

Harini aku diuji lagi,


Entah macamana, aku boleh terlupa utk mulakan hari dengan perkara yang paling penting.
Padahal dah biasa buat

Bila sibuk macamtulah, terus lupa segala benda
Mungkin juga sebab aku banyak melagha sikit beberapa hari ni
Sampai tak ingat langsung kena buat apa


....................................................................


Kadang manusia ni,
Terlalu bergantung pada diri sendiri
Rasa yakin boleh siapkan assignment on time, etc
Rasa senang je assignment tu
Senang je nak cari bahan, etc
Boleh siapkan dalam masa yang singkat..

Tapi siapa tahu,
Tiba-tiba sakit ke,
Phone/laptop down,
Tiba-tiba emotionally unstable,
Ada problem mendadak,
Ada orang buat hal dengan kita,
Kena tolong orang,
Assignment/pendrive hilang
dan...
seribu satu kemungkinan lagi yang boleh jadi..


Lepastu bila jadi apa-apa,
baru teringat nak doa
bila org remind, baru teringat
"Allah yang takdirkan benda tu untuk berlaku"
"Semuanya dah tertulis sebelum kita dilahirkan lagi. Maktub"
Tinggal kita je lah, nak hadap dan react macamana bila berlaku setiap situasi tu


Eh, haah kan?
Sepatutnya bila dah tau benda mcmtu possible je jadi,
Kena banyak doa
Malah sentiasa berdoa
Sebelum, semasa, selepas buat sesuatu

Kadang, kita terlupa,
bersama-sama usaha kita, kena ada doa & tawakkal juga
bukan sekadar usaha & tawakkal

doa, semoga Allah permudahkan setiap apa yg bakal, atau akan dilalui


Bila fikir balik,
selalu je fikir benda-benda on duniawi-level
maksudnya, selalu fikir benda dengan pemikiran yang terhad ni
contoh bila hantar assignment lambat sbb jadi benda yang tak dapat nak elak,
kadang rasa nak putus asa je, taknak submit sbb dah lambat sangat,
memang sampai dah nangis bagai,

tapi berbulan selepas tu, dapat tahu lecturer tu tunjuk video kitorg sebagai contoh kat students lain T______T


itulah,
kuasa Allah kan
kita boleh fikir based on apa possibilities yang kita rasa boleh jadi je
tapi kita lupa,
ada yang lebih mengetahui
ada Yang Maha Kuasa
yang menguasai hati-hati manusia
yang boleh je bolak balikkan hati manusia,
walau strict macamana pun orang tu


eh even benda yang mustahil pun boleh jadi
just by saying "!كن، فيكن"
Bila Allah kata jadi, maka jadilah ia!

Kadang kita terlupa benda tu,
Lupa ada yang berkuasa untuk ubah takdir,



Teringat haritu waktu baca page pertama surah Maryam,
terkedu, bila baca doa Nabi Zakaria :

"Ia merayu dengan berkata: Wahai Tuhanku!

Sesungguhnya telah lemahlah tulang -tulangku,

dan telah putih melepaklah uban kepalaku;

dan aku

- wahai Tuhanku -

tidak pernah merasa hampa dengan doa permohonanku kepadaMu."

[Maryam : 4]

😭😭😭😭😭

Waktu baca ayat tu, rasa macam jauhhhhhh sangat diri ni dengan sifat Nabi Zakaria.
Cepatnya aku putus asa, padahal tak besar mana pun ujian tu.

Nabi Zakaria, walaupun dia nak anak dlm keadaan yang nampak sangat impossible, sbb dia dah tersangat tua & isteri dia mandul, tapi dia tetap tak berputus asa merayu apa yang dia nak. Padahal bagi kita benda tu macam mustahil gila kot. Even bila Nabi dapat berita dia akan dapat anak, dia pun terkejut 😭😭😭

sedihnya cerita diaaaaa 😭



.....................

Mungkin ni satu teguran untuk aku,
yang dah lama kehilangan "kaca mata akhirat" tu

dah la rabun, (visi syurga tak cukup jelas lagi)
tak pakai spek pulak, (tak baca Quran)
lawak ke?
macamana nak lalui hidup ni kalau takde kaca mata yang akan bantu awak untuk hidup?

*nangis berjemaah UwU *


..............

sebab tu kena usaha untuk selalu ingat hakikat yang......
"Allah kan ada"

mungkin sebab tu lah kot ada ayat yang kata "orang beriman tak takut dan tak bersedih hati"
sebab diorg tahu dan diorang ingat yang Allah tu sentiasa ada

Allah boleh buat benda impossible jadi possible


terpulang pada kita je nak percaya/tak



so, macamana nak sampai tahap tu?
tahap yang boleh yakin sangat Allah ada,
dan mampu buat semua yang impossible jadi possible?

kena usaha untuk bina keimanan/keyakinan setinggi tu
macamana? dengan memahami al-Quran

sebab Quran is apa what really shapes you,
kan orang kata "you are what you consume/read"

Quran boleh build that kind of mindset, believe
It could give you that "kaca mata akhirat"
Kaca mata yang once you have it
Everything else seems petty
Nothing to worry,
nothing to be afraid of,

Sebab, hey semuanya Allah dah tetapkan sejak azali yang awak akan lalui semua benda-benda tu
Since Dia dah tetapkan mcmtu, bermaksud awak mampu
and He knows you are capable of it,
even if you feel you don't
So, no need to be worry,
because Allah is with you,
if you believe,
and if you strive to be among those who gets his mercy
eh rahmat Allah ni luas tau,
mintalah,
bukan orang yang dijamin syurga je dapat,
pendosa macam kita pun insyaAllah boleh dapat,
so, minta lah :)

If Allah is with you, nothing can harm you,
and you won't be sad or feel afraid.
cause everything is in the hands of Allah
everything was already planned and laid to mould the best of you out of it



memang pun,
sebab tu sahabat Nabi jadi generasi terhebat
sebab diorang bukan setakat baca & hafal Quran
tapi diorang faham mesej Quran tu
& amal (Ya, amal awakkkk -tengah cakap kat diri sendiri 😭😭😭😭😭)

Benda tu lah yang buat diorang sangat tergila-gilakan syurga,
hingga diorang tak kisah walau kena siksa

waktu perang, dah nak mati pun,
sanggup lagi utamakan sahabat yang lain untuk minum air dulu,
hingga semuanya mati syahid sebelum sempat teguk air tu 😭

Khabbab, sanggup kena siksa, dipanggang
sampai punggung dia jadi rata,

Bilal, sanggup kena hempap batu
banyak lagi cerita yang kalau kita baca

kalau orang biasa akan fikir,
gila ke diorang ni,
demi benda yang tak nampak,
diorang sanggup kena siksa


entah apa yang diorang tergila-gilakan sangat tu kan



sebab tu lah setiap apa yang berlaku,
diorang mampu lalui
sebab yakin dengan kuasa Allah yang melebihi manusia yang peling berkuasa sekali pun
kerana mereka punya kaca mata akhirat yang sangat jelas
kerana hubungan mereka dengan Quran yang begitu akrab,
bukan sekadar sebagai bahan bacaan, tetapi juga penghibur ketika duka, penawar ketika sakit dll
dan kerana tingginya keyakinan mereka pada kata-kata "Allah kan ada"
maka, mereka tidak bersedih hati dan tidak takut pada apa pun

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
hmm, moga Allah redha :)

p/s : lamanya ya Allah tak post panjang macamni. impressed haha.
Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal <3

tentang Kritikan dan Keikhlasan

how ironic people can be..

not believing in someone,

yet telling that same person to believe in themselves

ooh, think it in a positive way

maybe it's just that, you are the person who can take this

getting those words of "self-love" and "self believe" from those who didn't believe in your capabilities

that is so...

........................

ahh, mungkin juga tuhan mahu kau buat sesuatu dengan penuh ikhlas,

bukan sebab kata-kata manusia,

tak kira kata-kata itu benar,

atau langsung bertentangan dengan apa yang mereka pernah katakan atau buat

kata-kata, pandangan atau reaksi manusia tak sepatutnya menjadi motivasi atau benda yang mematikan motivasi kau

sebab kalau reaksi manusia masih memberi kesan pada pilihan kau dalam beramal,

itu bermakna kau belum cukup ikhlas

sebab penentu kau buat/tak buat sesuatu tu bertitik tolak pada reaksi manusia

ikhlas ke macamtu?

buat semata-mata sebab Allah ke macamtu?

aaaaaah,

susahnya kan, nak ikhlas?

tapi kena selalu ingat,

Allah tengok usaha,

......................

bila nak berusaha bersungguh-sungguh?

.......

hah,

mungkin juga itu pengajarannya.

things will keep on repeating until you learn the lesson.

فصبر جميل

ولربك فاصبر

إن الله مع الصابرين

Indeed, the greatest critics comes from those near you -eventually they wants the best for you, right?

#Prayforme :'

Kerja & Kerehatan

"Rasa macam...
teruk je performance sem ni
Rasa mcm hanyut, hampir tenggelam dalam masalah sendiri...
Nak lari dari masalah
Malas nak fikir.."




......................................................................................................................................




Kau tahu apa masalahnya?


SATU,
Kau lupa, bebanan kau dah bertambah,
dan akan terus bertambah



DUA,
Amal kau ke laut.
Amal kau yg sedia ada dah tak mampu lagi untuk menampung bebanan yg dah bertambah tu

Untuk itu,
Hubungan kau dengan sumber kekuatan pun perlu semakin kuat,
Allah

Tarbiah Dzatiah kena meningkat.
Baca banyak sikit buku, bagi faham.

TIGA,
Kau terlupa satu benda lagi..

"Ikhwah, kerehatan kita ada pada solat.."

"Dijadikan kerehatanku pada solat.."

"Nabi setiap kali ada masalah, dia pergi solat"

Kau lupa untuk "betul-betul" berehat..
Definisi rehat seorang Mukmin = Solat

Di mana hatimu di dalam solat?
Adakah khusyuk dlm berkomunikasi dgn-Nya hingga perhatianmu pada dunia seakan-akan hilang?
Atau adakah sambil "berehat" sambil fikir masalah dunia?


Sedangkan solat itu padanya kerehatan yang saaaaaaaaaaaangat besar.
Apatah lagi qiamullail.

Kerehatan spiritual dan emosi.
Tempat kebangkitan semangat.
Kerehatan yang tak kau peroleh di tempat lain.

Tempat kau curahkan segala masalah kau yang takkan difahami sepenuhnya oleh siapapun.
Kerana dari kerehatan itu, kau peroleh kekuatan yang luar biasa drpd Yang Maha Kuat.



...............................................................


Tapi kau abai semua tu,
Mana tak lemah,
Mana tak hanyut,
Mana tak..





hilang




Kerana apa yang kau ada, yang kau biasa buat selamat ni, dah tak cukup untuk tampung bebanan yg semakin banyak tu.


Sebab tu kau semakin melemah
Semakin hilang semangat




Dah tiba masanya,
Dah tiba masanya,

Untuk kau perbaiki niat,
Perkemas matlamat hidup,
Dan fokus semula utk perbaiki hubungan kau dengan Tuhan



Ikhlas & enjoy the process :'

إن الله لا يغير ما بقوم حتى يغيروا ما بأنفسهم

"Sesungguhnya Allah tidak akan mengubah apa yg Ada pada suatu kaum, sehingga mereka mengubah apa yg Ada pada mereka"

[ 13 : 11]

Hidup & Kahwin ; Tujuan yang sama

Terima kasih pada masa,
Yang membuatkan aku membuka mata,
Yang mematangkan aku
Tentang hakikat,

Bahawa hidup ini signifikannya hanya satu,
Iaitu penghambaan pada-Nya

Hidup ini tidak lain tidak bukan,
Seluruhnya adalah tentang kau & Tuhan

Tentang mengesaakan-Nya.


إن صلاتي ونسوكي ومحياي ومماتي لله رب العالمين
Sesungguhnya solatku, ibadahku, hidup dan matiku hanyalah utk Allah, tuhan sekalian alam.
[ Al-An'am : 162 ]



Apa yang aku maksudkan adalah,
Apa tujuan kau solat?
Untuk beribadah

Kenapa belajar?
Sebab ibadah

Kenapa makan?
Sebab ibadah


Kenapa berkahwin?
Sebab kebiasaan manusia?
Sebab itu adalah langkah seterusnya selepas belajar?

Tidak.
Tetapi untuk tujuan beribadah kepada Allah.
Itu tujuan utamanya.
Mencari bahagia, itu adalah makmumnya.


Coz the reason why you are created, at the first place, is to worship Him.
And the whole life that is given to us are meant to be ibadah (act of worship)

All of it!



And do you know what?
Even if we end up not getting married,
It doesn't mean that our life is not perfect..
Or, our life goal are not accomplished
Because our life will only be fully completed with Allah in it.
And our ultimate life goal is to worship him.
Your spouse is just a means of life companion, support for you to worship Him better


"Kesempurnaan kita berasal dari Tuhan dan dari hubungan kita dengan-Nya. Namun sejak saat kita masih kecil, sebagai perempuan kita diajarkan bahawa kita takkan pernah utuh sampai seorang lelaki datang untuk menyempurnakan kita. Seperti Cinderella, kita diajarkan bahawa kita tidak berdaya kecuali seorang pangeran datang untuk menyelamatkan kita. Seperti seorang Puteri Tidur, kita diberitahu bahawa hidup belum sepenuhnya dimulai sampai Pangeran Tampan mencium kita. Tapi ada satu hal: tidak ada satu pangeran yang dapat menyempurnakan anda. dan tidak ada kesatria yang dapat menyelamatkan anda. Hanya Tuhan yang bisa."

-Reclaim Your Heart, Yasmin Mogahed



Just look at how Maryam and Asiah's life that were not affected by the absence of spouse or even by the existence of a cruel husband.

Same goes to prophet Nuh and prophet Lut
whom their Iman are not affected by the existence of their disbelieving spouse.



How this worldly life is actually a means of worship.
And because of the fact that life is all about worshipping Him, we must prepare and do our best for everything we pursue, be it study, marriage, ibadah, etc..

So that we can make the best, in every single part of our "Life of Worship"


And in the end, life is all about you & your God.
Nothing else matters much more than it.

Remember that.













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