Salam,
writing this here today, as a remembrance and memory of how things have been going in my life these months..
okay maybe we can rewind back to when I was in the exam hall of my last paper for my degree. That day, it was Dec 2019 and I've finally-unofficially-graduated from the university and finally free. That last semester makes up all my degree journey into a total of years (many of my friends graduated one semester earlier -which i could do the same but i'm chosen and i chose to cewahh)
okay, then 2020 begins and started to be a full-time babysitter for my niece and nephew, since i'm the only who's free and available at that time. and then... march came and the lockdown began. so as i remembered, it was quite fun and boring.. especially when it has been too long to the point that i actually convinced my mom that i need to have an artificial grass-carpet to put it either on our balcony or the front yard. and that is for the sake of my mental well-being hahaha. but the boringness is so unbearable that i feel like running on a field of grass, going to the rives and forest and so on.
but there's these few things that happened to me around 2020;
1. first time baking (it's a chocolate moist cake bake using periuk nasiiiiiiiiiiii wahahaha) & bake a few times (basque burned cheesecake) (selain kek batik). i don't remember if i've baked anythings else than those two, except that i've been wanting to bake the brownies but haven't done it yet hehe
2. get to discover some health problems & start to treat them
3. started to play in taman baru & depan rumah
4. emotionally unstable phase
whilst 2021;
1. get to discover another health problem.
2. therefore, i've been going back and forth to the hospitals for appointments & even got the chance to meet an expert. under treatment
3. oh and gigi bongsu actually started to 'tunjuk taring' to the point that i feel like having this shark's teeth in my mouth and that hurts. and eventually getting them unplugged hehe
4. learn about me - related to the appointments
5. getting one my biggest health problem treated & still under treatment
6. many friends started kahwin, kahwin n kahwin
7. learning about emotions - since i'm an emotional person. this is a new experience -feeling numb when i thought like "should'nt I feel mad/sad etc?"
8. actually get to do taaruf and get married OMG. kahwin PKP pulak tuu
9. get a chance to level-up
10.
and that's what i remember..
yeah, my 2020 is a year of confusion,
2021 is a year of healing
2022 is growth, i guess? and i hope so
actually i just remembered that during the 2nd half of 2019, i actually wanted to get myself a caving time (that's how frust i am with myself? because i'm stressed over how do i improve myself).
and during that period of time is also the moment when i realized that something's wrong with this particular circle's work enviroment (in which i'm involved in). and that's when the strong emotions turn into an idea that both me and my usrahmate (esp this one akak) fight for. and i did'nt know that passion can go that far OMG. like, there's just these 4 people fuelling the circle. that's totally a new experience, alhamdulillah :)
okay, back to 2021.
that healing period made me realize that, calmness is part of what makes you to have the ability to function better.
i've heard this one sister who shares how she overcomes her anxiety (if i'm not mistaken) by waking up in the middle of the night for tahajjud and that heals her, alhamdulillah.
this sharing then clicks with my feeling of calmness and peace that i've been feeling after undergoing treatments for myself. okay, it's actually numbness of emotions, but somehow when you can't feel sad etc, you sort of like, feel calm, you know?
so i guess the key is to have inner peace which can be acquired though different ways - since as a human, we have 4 domain (physical body, psychosocial, spiritual and cognitive mind)
but anyway i can't speak much about it since i'm not an expert in the field. but anyway, i found this one book written by prof Hatta Shaharom, on 7-day Stress Relief Plan which is interesting (it cover all 4 domains and about stress), but i have'nt finish reading it yet. maybe i shall share it somewhere when i'm done and ready :)
and this year of 2022, i...
1. got to travel using different kind of transportations which is exciting to me since i like adventureee (flight, ferry, kereta sewa, bus, ets, lrt, ktm, grab, kereta orang bagi pinjam) and go here n there with husband
2. got to experience kereta rosak, kereta masuk kedai etc
3. experience jadi cikgu sekolah rendah for 3-4 months and experiencing the pain of RPH hahahaha
4. learn to control the way i think and how i see/face problems. started gratitude journaling this few days alhamdulillah
5. get to organize my own house, learn kitchen hacks, started to be like hantu eco hahaha (okay please pray i don't become like that okay.. just want to be minimalist hehe insyaAllah)
6. started ajar mengaji, iqra and hafazan in short period of time and it is online!!!!!! (which is kind of perfect job for me alhamdulillah)
7. got a new 24/7 friend and husband alhamdulillah. there's a lot to be thankful and grateful for him, tapi takpe kita taknak sweet mweet di sini yaa
8. belajar hadap masalah2 kehidupan hehehe
and that's what i can think of since my memories macam tak berapa nak ingat hehe.
and as I said earlier... this post is like a gratitude journal for me.
but maybe not for you, who's reading this...
because gratitude happens when we look into ourselves and be happy and grateful for what we have/had/insyaAllah will have.
so this is an exercise for me to remember all those things happened in my life this past 3 years. and may this writing exercise makes me forever grateful to you o Allah, and towards everyone in my life too :)
